Tuesday, July 21, 2009

The Kitten/Cat Caucus

We love our cats and often are reminded that they are not just eating/peeing/sleeping machines that purr. They are also members of the family. We respect their wishes, within reason, and do our best by them. We view them, in a sense, as a voting bloc. A caucus. A Kitten/Cat Caucus.

In order to give them a fair shake in our family's political system, I opened the floor to the Kitten/Cat Caucus in order to let them air their grievances. It was an eye-opening interview until Pauline walked over to eat before falling asleep.

Trygkerz Chronicles: Thank you for joining us.

Pauline: You're welcome. Will we have time to discuss Ceiling Cat?

TC: Um, maybe. So, you're both aware that there will be a new human in the house, right?

Onslow: I heard something about it between naps. You're having a litter of kittens?

TC: Just one kitten ... human. Just one human.

O: Whatever. Say, can I go outside?

TC: Not today. Pauline, care to comment?

P: I don't care for your small humans. They frighten me. I intend to shed all over and for my hair to be in the small human's mouth. You will curse me and my fur while I hide in random boxes and pray to Ceiling Cat.

TC: We already do. And besides, we plan on brushing you more so that you don't shed all over.

P: More brushing? I'd like that. Will the small human interrupt our food supply?

TC: No, of course not. You'll be fed as normal.

O: Hm. I guess that's ok. Will our box be kept clean?

TC: Of course.

P: Will there be any shortage of warm laps to knead with our claws?

TC: Yeah. Um, well, maybe. We'll be a lot busier, of course, so...

O: Puny human! Stop spouting your petty lies with your loud, low voices! (Emits yowl.) That is my new name for you. In your human language, it means "furless liar who refuses to open the door and has poor hearing." It is the worst name I can give you and a terrible insult, although something is lost in the translation.

P: Frankly, I'm disappointed.

TC: Well, I'm sorry. We really do plan to pay as much attention to you as possible. We love you guys. You're part of the family.

P: (Looks at the ceiling and meows softly.) Ceiling Cat! Deliver us from our horrible oppressors! Save us! (Walks over to the food bowl and starts eating.)

O: Doesn't she just suck? She's just a big fail. Sorta like you, in a way.

TC: You know, that's it. I'm so tired of you cats just walking around this house like you...

O: Whoa there, pal. (Jumps up on my lap, kneads for a bit, then lays down and rolls over onto his back in the 'happy cat' pose.) You just relax. Pet me there - not there - and maybe I'll purr for you.

TC: ... Really? Thank you! Thank you so much!

P: (Purring.) You're welcome.

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